need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
