It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
