There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
