yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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