i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
