I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
