I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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