did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hippo gnu deer
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Drunk is not a location!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
