I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
