I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
