Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize