Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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