Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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