I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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