yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
