You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
