I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
