Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
