I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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