She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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