So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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