dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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