Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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