Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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