uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize