I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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