I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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