Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
