I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Maybe he injected his testicle?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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