: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
