I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
