Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
