If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
