Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
