I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
