i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
