i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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