mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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