I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
