Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
