I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
