Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
