there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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