Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
