I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
