you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
