I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
