oh god the rape fog is back!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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