I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
