He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
