You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
