I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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