Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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