Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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