The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
smell my finger.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
