I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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