I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
