Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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