um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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