I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
