While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
