If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The ass gains better be worth it
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