Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Randomize
