STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
