Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
