Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
