I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
