She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
