could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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