I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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