This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
