dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
