mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
