people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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