just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
