I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
