So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
